Michael Dowe

Michael Dowe |my•kull dou|
- rhymes with "cycle cow"
- noun
1. comedian
2. writer
3. paramedic
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Still Single?

Her: You can’t handle me.
Me: Solid argument.
Her: Just sayin, I’m crazy.
Me: I’m a medic with access to restraints.
Her: Oh?

Watching Insidious 2 like I’m an adult who has never walked into a dark room and suddenly remembered every scary thing that’s ever happened.

My brain is consumed with a movie called “Steaks on a Train,” so either I’ve invented a food porn parody or I shouldn’t have skipped brunch.

Still Single

Her: I didn’t see you get here.
Me: I’m a ninja.
Her: Ha, I’m a Polish ninja.
Me: You enter a room and announce your presence?

Yep, it’s a panda car

Dude: You kinda look like a thug.

Me: But I’ve got glasses and nice teeth. You can’t be a thug with astigmatism and orthodontia.

This is the expression of seeing an open mic set that can’t be unseen.

If I could go back in time, I’d go before I wanted Allegra with decongestant and told the CVS pharmacist, “No, I’m only interested in the D.”

As I look at the bathroom mirror, I’m reminded of this sage wisdom:

If you’re ever the victim of a freak, rotisserie accident, you are fat.

It’s the EpiPen for drug addicts. I suppose fear of needles won’t be a factor.