Michael Dowe

Michael Dowe |my•kull dou|

- rhymes with "cycle cow"- noun -

1. comedian

2. writer

3. paramedic

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Establish goals because it’s important to hate yourself and feel like you’ve failed. If art were meant to be enjoyable, we’d call it crafts.

Hey y’all, go see them Extreme Dinosaurs! I hear they got ‘em jeeps and ATVs and Mountain Dews and kayaks and stuff!!

Sir Smokes-a-Lot

“Champagne on ice” does not literally mean pour champagne in a cup of ice. Stop living by rap lyrics and making poor choices with new money.

Oh, was I ballin outta control? My bad.

Reality: Sad because I don’t have any hot mustard packs for leftover egg rolls.

Irony: Proud because I actually managed to leave leftovers.

Jim Kelly and the “Shut the hell up talking to me” expression

I am starting a support group for other racially ambiguous, self-identifying black people. Our motto will be “We’re afraid of the cops too!”

Playing the victim doesn’t make you a survivor.

Unless you’re Ice-T in Surviving the Game. It worked that one time.